April 2004

April 27, 2004

Free Agents

The "Provisional Authority" is planning to Steinbrenner the Resistance's ass by hiring "former regime elements" to come play for the "Coalition". As we know, it is precisely these "former regime elements" that are currently carrying out attacks upon "Coalition" forces.

It logically follows, then, that after the "handover" is complete, that either attacks upon "Coalition" forces will cease, or that the Bad Guys will have to call some new "fighters" up from the minors.

Assuming (just for the sake of argument) the latter, there are a few possible groups from which the Bad Guys might draw to fill out their side. (We'll set aside the logical conundrum presented by the Civilised World hiring Bad Guys to play for it. We'll furthermore set aside the question of just who -- given that Saddam is in custody, that his "former regime elements" have now switched allegience, and that the overwhelming majority of the Iraqi population is opposed to the resistance -- comprises the "ownership" of Team Bad Guy.)

• Foreign Terrorists. Maybe. But the resistance is, by most accounts, largely homegrown. Heck, even the U.S. Military agrees with this analysis. Here's Brig. General Mark Kimmit, for example: "We believe what we are seeing in Fallujah are former military, perhaps former Saddam Fedayeen, perhaps former Republican Guard. How they fight indicates military training, rather than terrorist training." And the U.S. military ought to know "terrorist training" when it sees it. We again see the shrewdness in hiring away these "former regime elements": if you can't beat 'em, co-opt 'em.

• As Donald H. Rumsfeld has helpfully explained, in a ringing endorsement of Saddam's legal system, "Every jail in that country was emptied, so on the street are looters, hooligans, and bad people." They may have neither military nor terrorist "training", but perhaps it's time for a Team Bad Guy youth movement. Throw the rookies into the fire. They aren't going to get any better sitting on the bench. Maybe. But, alas, H. Rumsfeld has also noted that, "They have to be rounded up and put back in." And indeed, "they" have been: Iraq has been described as "Guantanamo on steroids". (How's that for a "banned substances" metaphor?)

• Flying Monkeys. Well, sure. Why not?

We'll have to wait to get the official word from commissioner McClellan. But the oddsmakers have installed the Monkeys as an early favourite.

Update, 4/29/04: Donald H. Rumsfeld has revealed another possibility: "What's going on are some terrorists and regime elements have been attacking our forces, and our forces have been going out and killing them."

In other words, while former "regime elements" are working for us now, current "regime elements" -- that is to say, taking orders from either the U.S.-picked Iraqi Governing Council or the "Provisional Authority" (or perhaps both) -- have taken the "former regime elements"' place in attacking "our" forces.

Call it an own goal, if you like.

Incidentally, while "terrorists" may or may not be attacking "our" forces, we would do well to remember that the attacks themselves should not be considered acts of terrorism, but, in fact, a legitimate form of resistance to occupation.

April 20, 2004

Quotepourri

• That wacky, wacky President: "'The Patriot Act defends our liberty,' Bush said, repeatedly thumping the podium. 'The Patriot Act makes it able for those of us in positions of responsibility to defend the liberty of the American people.'"

• Those wacky, wacky evangelists: "Christian teens are stealing Jesus music." ... "'A lot of students think it's, like, a cheap way to witness to the Gospel,' said Scott Flagg, 22, who belongs to a Christian fraternity at the University of North Texas."

• Who says journalists don't have senses of humour? "...the predicted Year 2000 apocalypse failed to materialize, leaving many disillusioned survivalists with basements full of dried beans."

• Who's willing to take a stab at parsing the Condi-speak? "I think that we do have to take very seriously the thought that the terrorists might have learned, we hope, the wrong lesson from Spain."

April 14, 2004

This Never Gets Old

I never get tired of pointing out how fucking funny it is that the US is relying on the UN to bail it out of the Iraq mess.

There was a lot of empty, tough talk from Shrub last night about American resolve to finish the job and "stay the course" in Iraq. But when asked about to whom the US will be handing power on June 30, Shrub said that was someone else's job to figure out: U.N. envoy Lakhdar Brahimi.

However, the LA Times -- which is fast becoming the best source for Iraq-related news -- reports this morning that the expectations placed on the UN are "not only inflated, but they are also dangerous," and that Brahimi didn't have the answers for the caretaker government, that it's up to the Iraqis.

April 13, 2004

Recipe For Disaster

The Mehr News Agency, in Tehran, is reporting that the United States is smuggling Weapons of Mass Destruction into Iraq, to be planted and then later "revealed" -- thereby exonerating the Bush Administration's war planners.

Now, the Bush Administration is stupid enough if it thinks that the World is going to believe that it would be able to suddenly find a stash of WMD, without locating production facilities. (On the other hand, it probably doesn't really give a fuck if the World believes it, so long as American voters do.) Both David Kay and Hans Blix (as well as Iraqi defectors and scientists) have stated pretty unequivocally that Saddam's WMD, and his regime's capability to produce them, were destroyed long ago.

However, these shenanigans could prove to be much more than just stupid, when we take into account the magnified level of attacks upon U.S. supplies convoys. The WMD are allegedly being smuggled via un-registered containers, masked as relief shipments and, according to one member of the Iraqi Governing Council, disguised as fuel supplies.

So, say you're driving a convoy filled with "relief supplies". Not only is there an increasing likelihood that the convoy will come under attack. But now you've also got to worry that an Iraqi guerilla will fire a rocket at a "fuel" container, releasing "biological and bacterial toxins" into the atmosphere.

Give the Bush Administration this much: never a dull moment.

April 07, 2004

"Supporting" The Troops: A Liberals' Primer

Senator Hillary Clinton has "blasted" Pentagon officials "for not properly screening soldiers returning from Iraq" for exposure to Depleted Uranium: "We can't have people coming back with undiagnosed illnesses. We have to have a before-and-after testing program for our soldiers," noting that, "One of the issues we raised [during meetings with Pentagon officials last year] was exposure to the Depleted Uranium that was in the weapons, and how they were going to handle it."

Clinton, of course, voted "with convction" to authorise the Bush Administration's war, on the grounds that, "It is...clear that if left unchecked, Saddam Hussein will continue to increase his capacity to wage biological and chemical warfare, and will keep trying to develop nuclear weapons."

Nowhere in Clinton's speech endorsing the war did she admonish the Bush Administration not to deploy Depleted Uranium weapons -- even though she was surely aware that it was planning to do so (indeed, that it had done so in Afghanistan, and that her husband's Administration had done so in Yugoslavia).

So her "blasting" of the Pentagon amounts to this: go ahead and send the troops over there to be exposed (along with the Iraqi citizenry, which doesn't, apparently, even warrant testing) to DU, just make sure you diagnose them when they return. While that's surely better than the treatment veterans can expect from the chicken-hawks -- not testing upon return, and then telling veterans suffering from the effects of exposure that it's all in their heads -- it's got to feel more than a little underwhelming to those returning from the toxic battlefields.

Fuck your paritsan politics, Hillary. If your concern is genuine, then you will call for the United States to adhere to the UN's ban on DU (and cluster bombs, and napalm), for it to clean up its mess, and to administer the best treatment possible to those exposed to its radiological munitions -- both "coalition" personnel and Iraqi citizens.

April 05, 2004

With a Heavy Dose of Crow and Irony

While boy emperor's Iraqi misadventure falls apart faster than you can say "unmitigated clusterfuck," at least there is some ironic comedy in the weekend's news to provide much-needed levity:

U.S. Relying on U.N.'s Help With Iraq Exit Plan

The same U.N. that was derided as useless and irrelevant about a year ago by this administration and Fox News-watchin', freedom fry-eatin', pro-war folk 'round the country is now being counted on to pull America's chestnuts out of the Iraqi fire.

Robin Wright's piece doesn't hold much hope for Lakhdar Brahimi to succeed, and there is probably even less hope after yesterday's Shiite violence, but her article -- posted late Saturday -- does have an incredibly prescient quote from an unnamed State Department official: "We're coming to the point that there's likely to be a confrontation, as there's no chance he or his people (Sadr's) will break up and move into Iraq's new security forces."